Tuesday 27 July 2010

Time flies

A long time since I last got on the blog and put down what I was thinking. So much seems to have happened since then, got over a fractured wrist, dealt with a bereavement, welcomed new people into the world and suffered a debilitating virus that I am still getting over now.

All of these things have contributed to distracting me from my training and have in one shape or another prevented me from achieving the things that i really wanted to do. Rationlising the whole experience makes you address the fact that there is only so much of yourself you can give to 'external' things and that sometimes you need to devote some of your time and energy to yourself and your family. I have been mentally beating myself up for a while about not training regulary and fretting about the dreaded 'black beltitis!' I think I have just needed to relax a bit and looking back on the last 6 months I wonder how I have sometimes managed to get up in the morning let alone juggle, family, work and achieving a black belt!

Things are starting to look up and all I have to keep an eye on is the level of support I can give nto my daughter who is looking to take her black belt in Spetember. She is very talented in sports such as swimming and these things take up a lot of her free time, so much so that i sometimes fear that she is doing too much. Luckily the majority of her black belt goals are things she enjoys, her comic is looking fantastic and i cant wait until its finished as i think it is going to be something really good. With a couple of week sto go until summer holidays I think i can help her out on researching her thesis this weekend and I know doing patterns by the pool will be a good laugh for both of us. As she is only 10 the fun aspects of training need to be brought to the fore as at that age stress and worry shoudnt come into it (hopefully she won't pick up on Dad's anxiety ;) )

Looking forward I just want to get back into a good training regime, pick up my fitness, start learning again and keep on daydreaming about seeing her face when (she hopefully) achieves her black belt and gets to come to the curry afterwards! Each time we go past it at graduations she mentions it now.

Friday 4 June 2010

Long time coming

Well over a month since the last post, you would think that lots of stuff would have happened. I suppose it has but it's all routine stuff really. The biggest thing has been a virus I have been dealing with for the past few weeks, its a nasty one and I have been off work for 2 weeks so far. I haven't even had the will to do anything positive during those 2 weeks as I just have felt so awful that all i want to do is veg out on the sofa, sleep and drink gallons of water.

Ideally I want to just get better so that I can return to normality, go back to work, get back into training, get back on the treadmill, ramp up the reps and finally go for a nice bike ride after my wrist has recovered.

Not sure what the doc will say today, not much probably, may take some blood, but I imagine he will just say to rest, already on anti biotics but not sure if it's doing anything.

Training is something that I really want to get back into as it feels really disjointed this quarter, work and this illness has contributed probably the lowest attendance ever, once the grading has been and gone i hope I am back to my old self and ready to crack on.

Wednesday 28 April 2010

Nothing goes to plan

Okay this is a pain, using my iPod and it keeps defaulting to caps lock. Couldnt train last night which was a pain,especially as I cant make Thursday. Getting fed up with this iPod so signing off.

Monday 26 April 2010

What's been going on

It's been a while since I made a post and to be honest its to let all the dust settle from a very hectic first few months of 2010.

I have been getting my head sorted out and thinking about what I need to achieve over the coming months, for me moving forward and continuing with my martial arts training is high on my list, getting a handle on the slippery situation at work is another and balancing all that out with home life is my main concern. I was very 'into my own head' leading up to the black belt grading and this did lead to a bit of disconnect so I have to get things back on an even footing.

It has been a very weird few weeks at training with sporadic attendance due to various things but also when I have been able to get to class it has also been strange as there are a few faces missing that seem to have dropped off the face of the planet and I think the class has been affected by these abscences and is itself trying to rediscover an equilibrium.

No matter what I am having a good time and am feeling fairly relaxed, apart from quick flare ups, usually work related, and am looking at the run up to summer as a time for a bit of reflection and a time to establish that the last 3 years weren't just an exercise in belt grabbing but rather a solid start to my much longer journey.

Thursday 15 April 2010

feeling bluergh

Headache, aching, eating sugary foods, must be ill! Crashed when I got in and fell asleep on the sofa, woke up not long ago, the sugar is making me hyper and the headache is pounding away merrily.

Monday 12 April 2010

Another year older

Just seen I haven't posted for nearly a week! Its been a bit of a blur to be honest, after the Easter weekend work was pretty hectic (as usual) and last Friday I flew off to see my Dad with the kids to Ireland, leaving Shelly at home :(

It's been a great weekend, the weather has been fantastic and I must have put on 1/2 stone with all the wonderful meals that Rosie has made!

Training during the week was a bit choppy, got to a Tuesday night and did my breaking, so I have my baseline to work from to raise my turning kick (up to sternum height) Thursday night ended up being an open session as the only people who turned up where myself, Kelly, Callum and Rich. Was a bit disappointing but thinking about it Easter hols are still on so no wonder most people weren't available. As it was just a couple of us I took advantage and concentrated on the kick again, got to start applying some power to the turning kick at a much higher height. I was pretty chuffed actually as I started to really get a solid hit.

Just typing this in bed at my Dad's B&B about to get up to do my morning exercises and then start to get ready to get back home this lunchtime, missing the missus and looking forward to a birthday treat, CURRY!

Yesterday was my 39th birthday so another year on and the last I can say I am in my 30's! Probably another quick week at work and hopefully I will get in Tuesday and Thursday night training. I'm hoping there are a few more attendees on Thursday as I need a good boost to re-energise myself after the last few weeks of easy living, already noticing that the weight is slowly creeping back on and disappointed, but understanding, that the muscle tone I was getting before the black belt grading is going away. This is only going to get worse until this left hand is fully healed so that I can hit the gym again, another 3-4 weeks!

Tuesday 6 April 2010

The Power of a long weekend

Just re-read the post I did on Friday and it is interesting to think about where my head is at today compared to where it was before the Easter weekend. I had a thoroughly enjoyable long weekend with a really nice trip to Cirencester where the kids got to roam around the Corinium museum, for me it was followed up by the largest and most heavenly slice of coffee cake I have had in a long time. Felt really stuffed but so what, every now and then a good blow out is just what the soul needs. The rest of the weekend went nicely as well, I had decided I needed a night out so come Sunday we had friends over for a nice piece of slow rosted lamb and then popped down the pub for a couple of cheeky ciders (did have a headache the next day but didn't last long)

All in all the batteries were well and truly recharged and it meant I was ready for a return to work and training. The day at work went well and training was great fun tonight, I managed to carry out the break with a turning kick, first time I have done it and I got to see my eldest daughter, Eleanor carry out some truly awesome jump turning kicks. All in all having a very positive time, tomorrow it may all change, especially as one of the staff hs told me today she wants to resign, sigh... it was good while it lasted.

Friday 2 April 2010

Not the week I was hoping for

Bit of a shame really when it came to this week. I had good intentions to get back into the swing of things but as per usual life gets in the way of our best laid plans. The hand has been throbbing a fair bit, a reminder of the black belt exam!

I was also looking to get moving forward with the nutrition and up to yesterday I was doing okay, first I was seduced by some home made chocolate cake, then I was very late with dinner as Shelly was ill so I had to get Ele to training and by the time I got her back i ended up hitting the toast and peanut butter pretty hard, to top it off I then ate an entire Easter egg, prat!

Training has been cut back as well what with fractured wrists and a poorly wife, not the week I had planned but just need to make the best of it, I have been using the treadmill and doing 30 mins of power walking so at least I am trying to keep some aspect of fitness going.

Tuesday 30 March 2010

Sigh

Short and not so sweet post, really bad day today, long drive, crap meeting, waste of a day, loads of sh*t to deal with, throbbing wrist, petty rubbish making me really angry. Stop the world I'm getting off, peace out.

Sunday 28 March 2010

Too much lard

uurrgghh! Feeling lardy and bloated, the takeaway pizza tonight was a step too far, I feel greasy and fat and now can't wait for salads and fresh foods from now on. I dread to think the damage done this week but then that was always part of the plan, just not worry about stuff this week and do what I fancied. Just need to practice what I have been preaching and get the discipline back in and re-establish my routine.

Part of my journey to black belt has always been about the fact that the getting of a black belt itself was just a by product and NOT the reason for my journey into the Martial Arts, now that I have been given the keys to the car I want to have a good drive and start to explore everywhere. Once I have established that I am still very committed to my chosen school and martial art I would be interested in looking at doing some complimentary things such as Tai Chi or Yoga, but these things are very much in the future. No running before I can walk!

Man I just want to lie down and let it all hang out, trust me, not good.

Saturday 27 March 2010

oops

What an interesting week! Manchester was good, got to relax and have a good natter with my colleagues, the hand was giving me some gip but I didn't think too much of it. By the weekend though I had had some of the girls at work and Shelly nagging me to get an X-ray. So dutifully off I went to Frenchay today and lo and behold I have a fractured ulna! So I have a temporary cast on at the minute and tomorrow I will be going back to have a full cast put on and meet the orthopaedic surgeon for a consult. This will curtail some of my training for the next few weeks but shouldn't be too much of a problem, will just need to alter things such as cardio training etc.

Tuesday 23 March 2010

Chill Out

I've decided to take things easy this week, I am up in Manchester on business for the next few days so have decided to take advantage of some nice food on offer and have even had a few tipples. I am looking at this week as a bit of a chill out so am not really worried too much about what I eat and drink and am trying to focus on relaxing and kicking back a bit from the intense activity of the past few months.
However I am really keen to get cracking again next week as I have some goals to meet and I am conscious that it is really easy to slip and slack into old ways and I am really determined not to let that happen. So far I am trying to get a decent nights sleep as my sleep patterns have been disrupted from last Thursday onwards and I am feeling pretty tired by the time I get to about 5pm. Of course this isn't really helped by a poor diet (I have rediscovered biscuits today, yummy) and lots of travel. Not to worry, looking forward to a nice curry with the team on Thursday after graduation, still haven't been able to see a doctor yet about my hand, I'm hoping its okay as the swelling seems to have gone down but I am still in a lot of discomfort so might have to see a doctor on Friday.

Sunday 21 March 2010

One destination arrived at, the Journey continues

Well today was the big day, over three years of work led to this afternoon and my black belt grading. With all the nerves firing I was still really glad to walk into the dojang today as I was looking foward to leaving all the stresses and strains of recent weeks behind me and just take control of something I had a direct effect on.

The grading itself was great, lots of students on the floor and I can't remember a time when we have had 7 black belts in the room. Come the end it was a relief to hear that Shirley (the other candidate) and myself had been successful, I left with a real feeling of satisfaction and a very throbbing left hand where I had broken a board with a hammerfist, ouch! Plenty of ice later I have a golf ball on my wrist, not great for a long drive up to Manchester but I can't not go into work as I have two new managers starting for me tomorrow. FOr readers of this blog you will know that its business as usual then!

I know it sounds odd but I am really looking forward to getting back into regular training without the added pressure of an impending black belt grading looming. I have already identified some goals that I want to achieve over the next 6 months and I think I will set some for the next 4 weeks, just one or two to keep me in the swing of things. After watching Shirley break with her turning kick I would also like to do the same but at a bigger height, so I will most likely look to attempt to break with a turning kick a week on Tuesday to set a base line and then work for 6 weeks to raise it by an amount I will decide after talking with my instructor.

Enjoyed a nice curry as a little celebration but was missing Shelly as she is still looking after her mum and am looking forward to her coming home in the next few days.

Thursday 18 March 2010

Coming off the ceiling

Had a bit of a bad night last night, was still fielding phone calls and dealing with emails so had very little opportunity to relax. This spilled over into a very disturbed nights sleep and pinging awake at 5am, got the kids ready for school and managed to get in for a crisis meeting. As it stands at the moment things are bad but not as bad as they looked last night, so my stress levels have receded somewhat, just feel really tired at the minute. Will get to class tonight though which is good, however can only do 45 mins as I need to get back to pick up my youngest daughter and get her to bed. Hopefully nothing outrageous will pop out of the woodwork over the next couple of days and I can look forward to a cracking grading on Sunday. No matter what happens I will give it my all and I even though the ego needs the stroking that a successful attainment of a black belt brings, I always go back to my reasons for studying a martial art, it wasn't for the belt but for the journey and where it takes you.

KAIZEN!!

Wednesday 17 March 2010

Stress Part XX

What a day! Where am I, what am I doing? Nightmare, nightmare, I can tell how bad things have got by the fact I have just scoffed an entire pepperoni pizza and could eat another one. Ideally tonight was meant to be a chilled out, bit of exercise and then review my pattern breakdown, if only that was the reality.

Didn't get back until gone 7pm and by the time I scoffed the pizza I just want to sit down and switch the brain off, I have so much crap zinging around my head due to work (the phone is still ringing) that by the time I start to switch off it will be bed time. I will have to really motivate myself for tomorrow as things are pretty serious, it has nothing to do with me but that's not the point, I am the person in the hot seat and that is that. I have to admit I entertained a fleeting fantasy of just jacking everything in, work, training the whole nine yards. I never would as I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if that's what happened when things get tough, just not who I am. I do need some way to decompress as I also have a national charity event I am going to in Cardiff Friday night and with Shelly looking after her Mum I am going to be doing a lot of running around all weekend, as well as fitting in a grading somewhere!

Monday 15 March 2010

Where has all the time gone?

Wow, nearly a week has gone by without a post, does that mean nothing has happened, far from it! The past week has been a real blur, a combination of the impending black belt grading, family issues and a massive problem blowing up at work has meant that I have been so focussed on dealing with lots of bush fires that I have not been able to sit back and catch my breath. Funnily enough the other issues are pushing any nervousness to the background concerning the grading on Sunday, I just have to put things into perspective really. This perspective comes full circle really to the whole point of this blog, which was to show a fairly 'average' persons last 5-6 months of training prior to taking a a black belt test. As with anything that is worth doing I of course am apprehensive about Sunday, questions like, have I done enough, did I focus on the right things, am I actually good enough constantly roll around the head and pop up usually after I have dealt with some other crisis.

Looking back and asking myself "Did I do everything I could have done to ensure I am fully prepared for my black belt?" the honest answer has to be no. I could have trained every day, I could have spent time every day looking at the theory behind the art, I could have employed any number of extra training methods to ensure I would arrive at my grading supremely confident that I would be able to pass a black belt grading. If I alter the question to "With all my other responsibilities and looking at the issues that have affected me have I done the best I could to prepare" I think my answer would be a cautious and qualified "Yes" A cautious yes because I think it would be unfair to use external matters as some sort of crutch or excuse before I step into dojang and qualified through all the postings I have made over the past months. There is always more that can be done, and at times I have just not done something, I recognise that as human nature and something that needs to be constantly recognised and checked. Hopefully through this blog and through postings on the Academy forum I have highligted my failures and faced them rather than shieing away from them. I have prevaricated at times but looking back over the last few months I am extremely proud of what I have achieved so far, I have lost just one pound shy of 1 and a half stones, I have slashed my 1 1/2 mile from 13 minutes to below 10 mins 30 secs, I have learnt another pattern, Choong Moo, studied and learnt more about the history and background to Tae KwonDo and had the opportunity to work with other students to assist and guide where required. All in all a pretty good time I think, 6 months ago I had already envisaged what my final week before grading was going to be like, fairly relaxed, just picking up a few loose ends and getting myself mentally prepared, however life never goes to plan (one of the most important life lessons to learn, no plan survives first contact!) this week I have 5 critical issues at work, my wife's mum will hopefully be coming out of hospital this week (great news but Michelle has to stay with her 24 hrs a day for the next 10-14 days so I have to somehow juggle looking after the kids, getting to school etc) ensure that my father in law is comfortable in the care homw and that I get out to visit him as well. All of this as well as ensuring I get to all sessions this week so that I can be satisfied that demo's are all set and that I am happy with my basics, 1,2 & 3 step and my patterns are at a good level, phew, its only 9.30am on Monday and I am exhausted already.

KAIZEN!!

Tuesday 9 March 2010

Trying to get things done

I need to vent... I was hoping that this week would be a little calmer than last week with all the stress at home, but oh no, just as one thing is looking a little brighter soemthing else comes along to take a massive chunk out of my backside.

WORK!!!!!

The department I am running is currenlty going through a re-organisation and I am awaiting the commencement of 2 managers who will be responsible for managing the production cycle for me, in the meantime I am the most definately the person trying to keep about 20 plates spinning in the air, the main problem is I don't know about all the plates that I need to keep spinning! Its an impossible situation really and I am getting it off my chest because I was meant to be using today as a catch up on paperwork and some issues at home. But no, so far I have done zero of what I need to achieve and instead am too busy chasing around dousing fires. Very, very frustrating, I really dislike being non-productive, all I am at the minute is a conduit for info passing, not ideal at all.

Starting to feel a bit better after that rant, a combination of being at home and all these issues exploding at once was not the greatest of combinations for my calm and wellbeing!

Sunday 7 March 2010

What an emotional rollercoaster

This week has had it all, Tuesday night was looking really grim, Shelly's mum was seriously ill but the tough old northern bird that she is, she managed to get through a 10 1/2 hour heart op and we went to see her yesterday and she was laughing and joking with us! I wish I looked as good as she does in her 70's after a trauma like that!

Did the fitness test today for my black belt grading and it was good fun, really hard on the upper body, was disappointed with the press ups, even though I knew that was my weakest area, really wanted to get past 60 on that one. Got really stuck into the sparring and couldn't help but stick a couple of jump back kicks in :)

Came back with the sun shining to pick up a voicemail from Shelly's mum telling her she was being moved to a general ward, she has the nickname with the ICU team of 'little miracle' Hopefully things will look up from here on in for Shelly and looking forward to the black belt grading to show what I've got.

Can't finish this post off without saying a massive congrats to Shirley, the other black belt candidate. This mature librarian attacked the fitness test and blew it apart, showing the younger memebers of the Academy that they have zero excuses now. I hope to see a massive improvement in the attitude towards personal fitness from those guys as Shirley is a prime example of just getting on with things and having a zero excuse mentality, true black belt spirit if ever there was!

Tuesday 2 March 2010

...

Just spent a very fraught night with the family as Michelle's mum was in the hospital today for a serious heart op, unfortunatley there have been some serious complications and tonight is going to be a long night.

I buried myself in finishing off my submission docs to give me something to do and to try and get the time to pass, really hoping for the best outcome and just doing my best to support Michelle and be there when I'm needed.

Monday 1 March 2010

Some more points to note

In training tonight we ended up doing some one step sparring (Ilbo Matsoki) some key learning points that came out of that session were:

1. Remember to use basic techniques and as it is a traditional practice ensure that the techniques are done correctly, with proper stances.
2. Keep it simple, don't attempt overly complicated techniques
3. Isolate a particular technique such as a block and look to use different strikes, this equally applies when looking at your stance, which way you are facing, what sort of strike you want to accomplish.

My foot is throbbing and I didn't even do any kicks tonight, may need to get some ice on it to see if the swelling will go down :(

Sunday 28 February 2010

Starting to break down

This week has been pretty good overall, a few emotional things have now been sorted and home life is starting to relax a bit, just need to get over the next hump which is Shelly's Mum going into hospital next week for her heart op. I wish I coudl say the same for my fitness! I am probably in the best physical shape since I was last in the Army, which to be fair I left in my late twenties and I am approaching 40 (1 year left ;)) I have been struggling with a torn muscle in my shoudler which has severly curtailed my upper body training and last weeks mammoth bike ride have also left a few damaged bits, most problematic is an injury to my left foot. Gort onto the treadmill this week and could only do 5 minutes as I had a severe pain in my foot that I tried to struggle through but was a sign that I needed to rest it, luckily I was still able to use the cross trainer but with the fitness test looming it looks like I may have peaked a week or two too soon!

No matter what, I will approach the fitness test with a zero excuse and attack it with maximum effort and go for it, physical effort I always think is 90% mental anyway, your body is designed to work hard and it is only in you rmind where you can really decide to keep going through a little bit of pain. Obviously I am not advocating pushing yourself too far, you need to listen to your body, hence why I have been off the upper body for 3-4 weeks. But you also need to undertsand how your body works, how quickly it takes you to reach a point where you need to push that little bit more and settle into the exercise and effort you are looking to achieve.

Will not hit the treadmill until mid week , just to give it a little bit more time to rest and then will do a couple of sessions before the weekend to stretch the legs and lungs.

Wednesday 24 February 2010

Stress...the stuff of life

Ah what a morning, nothing like getting up and feeling really old and broken down! My shoulder has started playing up again, I have rested it for nearly 4 weeks and I thought this week, just ease into some upper body, no more than say 20 press ups a day and up until today it all seemed okay, this morning i am finding it difficult to lift my arm higher than my shoulder. I think I am going to have to get some physio or something on it as this can't go on, the main problem with that is when can i do it! I can't take any time off work as things are just insane at the minute (and to be honest will probably stay like this for at least a couple of months, if not until Summer) and my weekends are filled up with having to do stuff with the kids and support Shelly with her Mum and Dad (he goes into a care home on Saturday whilst Shelly's mum preps for a heart op next week)

I really wanted to stay in bed this morning and have a day oblivious to anything, however got to just get on with things and not stress the stuff I have no control or influence over and concentrate on getting some positive outcomes generated to keep the, happy, happy, Joy, Joy stuff going.

Monday 22 February 2010

Some points to note

Had a really enjoyable training session tonight, a couple of points picked up tonight were:

BASICS:
Basic techniques are done in a systematic way to exercise a range of motion to simulate a combatative situation. An analogy was given in the class which related basic techniques to army drill coupled with weight training.

PAIR WORK:
When carrying out pair work a good technique for yourself or in an instructional setting is to look for the angle of attack. A good visualisation technique is to picture a compass on the floor and position yourself on the right 45 degree angles.

Feeling something...which is good

Had a bit of criticism this morning from my instructor which in some areas I judged a bit harsh but really was spot on the money and completely justified. The reason for posting is really that it made me feel, which to me is brilliant because it means I am still passionate about my training and if I feel hard done by then at least I am feeling something, not just, meh tick along with my training, do the minimum I think I can get away with etc.

Every bit of advice I have received from either my instructors, other black belts or fellow students, of any rank, I have tried to incorporate it into my training but I will hold my hand up and say, I only have a finite time that i can dedicate to my training but realistically I need to focus into that precious time and cut back on the prevarication, which does creep in from time to time.

This morning has been a great splash of cold water on the face and hopefully I am just being overly sensitive as I get closer to the grading date, I need to forget looking at myself in relation to other students and concentrate a bit more on myself and what I need to achieve.

Sunday 21 February 2010

Kick Ass

Had an awesome weekend this week, Shelly and I have had a weekend away planned with friends for ages so come 8.30am Saturday morning off we set to Crickhowell in the Brecon Beacons (Wales if you don't know where they are) for a compelte decompress, no kids, no worries just do something enjoyable and have a great time.

Whilst Shelly and her mate went off and did their thing (It did end up involving some substantial spending on an original painting!) I got ready with my mate to crack the Crickhowell red route mountain bike route (22 miles). It didn't start off very auspiciously as we took the wrong turn straight away and so ended up going a mile down the road before we realised what had happend, so after 10 mins we were actually still no further down the route even though we had done 2 miles. As soon as we set off on the right route the first thing that hit us was a really steep climb out of Crickhowell and a mile later I had managed to keep going, a first for me on such a long steep climb!

We cracked on with the rest of the route and by the time we had climbed even higher we came across a new type of obstacle, SNOW! We had to fight through it and after a while we realised that we couldn't see the route, as we were contouring along a rifge we decided we should get down hit the road and rejoin the route slightly further on, the descent was pretty hairy as it was steep and we got up to a great speed, wind chill ended up freezing the tears that the wind was making stream from my eyes. After a coupel of miles on a long slow ascent on the tarmac we turned off the road and got back on the trails, however as we were quite high up the snow was everywhere and proved to be a really savage challenge as the snow, which was about 9-12 inches deep had ice below it so it was like cycling through very deep, soft sand, this was what was really sapping our strength as the routes are designed to provide tough sections but then easier to allow you to recoevr, the snow was meaning we had to tough it out with no real respite (the downed pine trees across the tracks didn't help)

Still a sense of humour reigned and some of the sights were spectacular, it wasn't until we had had to carry the bikes and fight our way across a mountain ridge for about 3 miles that I was starting to get hacked off, here the snow was really deep (up to the knees) and unfortunately the top layer was ice so it actually started to cut my shins, luckily it was really cold so it did numb the cuts!

Deciding that this was becoming a bit more than we had bargained for we tried to keep to the route and look for a gate that woudl take us back to the road for the last 5 miles back to Crickhowell, unfortunately we coudln't find the gate, and this led to about 5-6 miles of backbreaking, up and down following a fence/wall line just to get us to civilisation. It was at this point that I had to really dig deep as the snow was causing us to slip and lside all ove rthe place and the bikes were just weights that we had to carry along as it was impossible to ride.

Eventually we managed to hit a tarmac road and then it was luscious downhill all the way until the final 2 miles into Crickhowell which were uphill, but as the sun was coming down we were so determined not to be caught out without lights that we powered through the hills and rolled into the Hotel car park just as the sun was setting at 6.10pm.

Cold, wet, absolutely at the end of my endurance I thought about it and agreed that that was the most physically demanding thing I had done since my Army days, my mate who has been embarking on his own journey into fitness was hanging and sinking into a hot bath to thaw out my frozen feet was almost sexual!

2 pints of cider and a great meal later I collapsed into bed completely exhausted but so exhilerated I couldn't sleep!

Really enjoyed the whole weekend but don't want to repeat that experience for a long time!

Tuesday 16 February 2010

Feeling weird

I've started to notice that as I get closer to the black belt grading I am finding that I don't want to train, why is that? What's going on? I'm starting to get that rabbit in the headlight sensation that time is rushing on and I feel like I know next to nothing. It was only exacerbated last night when we were doing basics using Korean terminology, my mind went blank and all the things I thought I knew didn't make sense. Putting a positive spin on things it does re-inforce one of the key points I made at the start of this blog that the black belt isn't the end of the journey merely a milestone along the longer journey of martial arts. To be honest its remembering that I am in this for the long term that helps me to put it into perspective. However I am getting worried that my current mental state may lead to a more laissez faire attitude to my training and revision. There is a hell of a lot going on at the moment and worringly it all seems to be coming to a head around the middle of March.

Luckily this blog at least allows me to get it out in the open rather than keeping it all bottled up and adding to my already high stress levels, which rubs off on the family and isn't good for them or me. Do I have what it takes to be a black belt, I think so but have I done enough to earn one at the next grading, only my instructor will know that. I have mastery over my own destiny and I still have the time and capability to keep training and revising.

Sunday 14 February 2010

Umm err...

Lack of posts on the blog have started to get me down but in a weird kind of way. The pain in the shoulder is still really giving me some difficulty. I have to say work has taken over my life this week as the handover has been dominating everything I have been doing and it is this week where to be honest I could have done with no training or anything else to distract me because the running of the department is all consuming at the minute with so many processes and personnel issues that I have been swamped mentally and physically and it has been kepping me up at night thrashing things out in my head. The disturbing thing is that this is purely the handover and as of tomorrow its my department, 25 plus people who have been having a rough time of the past year and all looking to me, ulp!

When it comes to keeping on top of the blog I'm my own worst enemy, I know I should do it but I get a stubborn streak come over me and I end up thinking "What can I talk about today?"

Tuesday 9 February 2010

Double Whammy

Not a very happy bunny today, woke up this morning with a pain that has been bothering me in my right shoulder. It has got progressively worse over the day to the point where using a mouse and lifting a glass of water was really painful, looks like it might have to be a trip to the docs this week, really, really REALLY P***ED OFF! Not many weeks to go and I get a poxy injury, its not as if I have been putting any great strain on it, must be my old bones finally giving up!

To add insult to injury a massive tender landed in my inbox this afternoon so bid prep and tender evaluation has to be done tonight ready for a bid meeting tomorrow rather than attending the open session. Day's like this I just think "Why bother?" then I wake up the next morning and just get on with it. The pain in my shoulder does concern me a bit because its probably a muscle tear but it feels like its right in the centre of the joint and is giving me a load of pain and making it painful to even lift my arm higher than my shoulder, damn it!

Monday 8 February 2010

Another day another dollar

Had a cracking weekend, managed to get out Saturday afternoon and met a couple of mates at the pub to watch the Ireland rugby game. I spent 2 hours drinking lime and soda as I didn't want to load up with empty calories, so was sticking to one of my goals on this journey. The night before, my wife and I had a free night from the kids so we settled down to a chilled night with a nice bottle of wine and some good food, really relaxing and a great way to recharge the batteries.

Looking forward to a weekend away in a couple of weeks with some friends, will manage to get a hard bike ride in and hopefully will be able to walk off a nice fried breakfast with a bimble up sugarloaf. Feeling pretty fit all round apart from the twinges in my right shoulder, I have used it today on some press ups and it is still giving me some gip but not as bad as it was a week ago. Will need to keep the effort up this week and start pulling all my black belt submission stuff together so that I can polish off the practical stuff needed at the grading.

Thursday 4 February 2010

Anything to say?

Not posted for a few days and this kind of reflects my state of mind. Home is really hectic as well as work so I am in a kind of nuetral, just ticking along really. I took both my daughter Eleanor and a school friend called Robbie to training on Tuesday night and ended up helping out one of the assistant instructors. It was good fun, a bit nervy at first but the kids seemed to have a good time and it was great to see them carrying out some drills that we as adults had been doing the night before. Bar some chit chat that you wouldn't expect from adults, the kids showed real control during the drills and it was quite an eye opener. I'm a little bit strict (hangover from military days) but I had the kids laughing along, especially at the warm ups with the forfeit of 5 press ups for cutting corners a real winner.

I do have some aspirations in the future to be an instructor and I have been lucky enough to get some opportunities to help out and assist at the school over the years and it is a completely different thing to be out at the front trying to explain something that you want a class to do. This week I also got the chance to spend some time going through some of the pattern breakdown with a partner and it was good to see that I wasn't going off on flights of fancy but that a lot of what I have been putting down seems to work.

I have been cracking on the the phys and managed to get some runs in with I think the chance to go to the gym tomorrow for a bit more cardio and perhaps some weight training on the machines.

Sunday 31 January 2010

An end to a week

In a way I'm really glad this week has finished but I am also not looking forward to next week either, each week I get closer to the grading the more I need to constantly re-focus and make myself do what i need to do. It's not so much worrying if I will pass or not, I think it is more that I want to get the whole thing over with. I don't have anything thats particularly worrying me, I am well along in all areas of my training, I have completed some of the more admin heavy things like the thesis its just an indefinable 'something'. It just goes to show that even when the black belt isn't the be all and end all human nature steps in makes it suddenly become something massively important and something potentially defining. Part of all this I think is the fact that even though I have changed job roles nothing has changed yet because there is a period of consultation and recruitment so I am in a bit of a limbo that isn't really helping my overall state of mind.

Saturday 30 January 2010

Some thoughts to ponder

This week has been a bit of a funny one really, as the date of the grading gets closer my enthusiasm for getting on and finishing off what I need to do is waning. Standing outside the chip shop last night in the snow I got to thinking on why this could be. By prevaricating and putting things off I think I am subconsciously trying to put off the looming date, by that I mean if I don't acknowledge the things I need to complete then the grading seems that little bit further away. I am starting to get pretty apprehensive about the whole thing and to top it off I just know that the whole new job role will kick off just when I will be needing to some calm in my life, why is nothing easy? Or at least not so stressful!?!

I have tried very hard this week to get a grip of my nutrition and to keep some physical activity to the forefront. I have managed a couple of cardio sessions this week but have been unable to do any weights due to a niggling injury to my shoulder, this has also affected the reps I usually do as I have avoided doing any press ups after tearing something on Thursday night during the press up drill in class. With only a few weeks now until the fitness test this is the bit that I have the most control over but silly little injuries like this can really set me back. All I need to do is just keep a positive outlook and focus on the little achievements I can make throughout the week.

Wednesday 27 January 2010

Woke up this morning and felt a lot better, got into work and had a good day, very busy but flew by so I thought it was probably a good idea to do a a light to moderate session in the gym. Got a good sweat on and felt good afterwards, feeling a little knackered now but was good to get back into some physical training.

Tuesday 26 January 2010

Tired and achey

Been to training tonight and yesterday and I hadn't realised that the stomach flu I had taken quite a bit of me. A couple of times during class yesterday I saw a few stars and I was aching all over, work isn't helping (again) as I have had to rush home and then go straight to class due to late finishes. Feeling really tired and achey, I just don't want to do anything but curl up on the sofa. Its times like this that I need to be wary about what I eat as comfort eating has a tendancy to sneak up on me when I am feeling rough.

Sunday 24 January 2010

What a week

Its been a bit of a rollercoaster this week after last weeks serious downer. I hit the beginning of the week head on and kept up a great momentum until Thursday when the stomach bug hit. Up until that point things were going great, I felt strong and positive, the only blip being a stressful time at work with uncertainty around a structure change and the taking on of a new role unsettling me heading towards the weekend.

Frustration has played a big part since Thursday as my head wanted to crack on push through what I thought was just a bit of a stomach ache but the bug that my youngest, Hannah, had ,seemed to have gone through the kids at school, as well as my family like a scythe. Friday morning left me feeling really week and listless, and I have still had a dodgy stomach all through the weekend.

Its times like this that I really get angry, not so much at myself but at the seeming injustice of it all. Just when I have got my head back in the game and when I am triving to make really positive changes, life throws in a few curveballs just to keep it interesting! For once I would just like slow and steady whereas most of my life seems to be about massive change on a regular basis!

This coming week will be a pivotal one I think as I need to reinvigorate yet again and build on the initially positive start to this week to keep building the momentum as I go into Feb.

Saturday 23 January 2010

Feeling better

I had an attack of the munchies around about 3pm yesterday so did have some food throughout the day, it settled like a lead weight but I kept it down and felt slightly better by yesterday evening. Had a slightly better night but still very uncomfortable. Had a small breakfast to get something inside me but still feeling queasy, I want to have something tasty but my stomach is probably not up to it just yet. Taking it fairly easy today and will hopefully be able to train tomorrow down at the gym as I want to keep the positivity up with these last few weeks to go.

I was sitting down today talking to my father in law and we got to chatting about my black belt and it occured to me that even though there is about 6-8 weeks until my grading the previous months had really flown by and before I know it the grading will be upon me. It was then that it I realised how many things I have going on in my life and how that contributes to the passing of the days.

Work has again thrown me a bit of a curveball again as I have been asked to take over the management of the entire development department, its a bit of a task as the state of things is very challenging at the moment and its coming at the same time as the balck belt testing period so it look slike multiple challenges all round! Life is never boring around this place, but I have to say I am feeling pretty tired, this stomach upset isnt helping my mood but I need to look on all the positives so far and to be honest looking back on the blog and the forum posts it has overall been a really positive experience, plenty of bumps but then thats life isnt it. Oh well a fun filled afternoon awaits choosing new school shoes for the girls, rock and roll eh!

Friday 22 January 2010

Hitting a few speedbumps

I was really disappointed that I couldn't attend training last night, even though I was feeling terrible its just a real pain when this week was going so well. I had a rough night last night and so far haven't touched any food as my stomach is doing back flips! Feeling pretty weak at the minute, my youngest is feeling much brighter today and has some colour in her cheeks so I'm hoping that the same will happen for me.

I felt so wretched last night that I just crawled into bed so I didn't even have the chance to use the spare time for finishing off typing up my breakdown. I think I will endeavor to finish it off today do that its all sorted at last. With any luck I can continue to crack on with all the things I need to finish off, on the bright side I am bound to have lost a couple of pounds!

Thursday 21 January 2010

Spoke too soon

Typical, I get all fired up and start of with a real bang and then something happens to punch me in the gut. I have had a feeling of gighting off a cold all week but didn't pay it any heed, just got on with some phys sessions, back into training etc. Yesterday I had to travel to London for an awards dinner held at the guildhall, very nice do, black tie etc but I had a bit of a queasy feeling all day and so didn't really enjoy the dinner as I had no appetite and all I wanted to do was sleep. Today the sick feeling has got worse and my youngest daughter has been sick all day, my wife Michelle is also starting to feel sick so it looks like it might be a winter sickness bug or something, so feeling pretty low at the minute. I rang my instructor Rich to let him know I won't be training tonight and Hannah(my youngest) will have to stay at home tomorrow as the school don't want them back at least 24 hours after they feel better.

To top it all Michelle told me that Eleanor, my eldest had accidently spilled a large cup of water over my laptop! It's Kaput so thats £2000 plus of laptop down the drain, life sucks! With any luck I will be able to claim some of it back on our contents insurance. Just feeling pretty crap and not too happy as this will be another couple of days wasted that I can ill afford.

Tuesday 19 January 2010

Moving on up

Yesterday was good fun, it was great to get back to training after such a long delay and with any luck I will actually be able to attend all sessions so thats a real bonus. As is usual with these things my body is looking like it wants to let me down. I have had the achy, headachy thing which usually means I am fighting off a cold so I am ramping up on all the good stuff to try and ward it off.

Sun is shining today which is nice and all I need to think about is what to concentrate on tonight in the open session.

Monday 18 January 2010

Getting back on the horse

Had a couple of replies to my post last night that set off a response that I think is worthwhile putting in a post of its own. Even during this relatively low point on the journey I don't think I was looking to give up, that isn't really in my make up, things would have to be really bad for that to happen. The act of writing the blog was my way of holding myself to account and showing to my peers that everything isn't always sweetness and light, that no matter how prepared and positive things can be, setbacks and speed bumps appear and it is how we deal with them that shows what we are made of.

Here is part of a reply to Rich and John to the last post:

We all set standards for ourselves and I think I have just been coasting for the past 3 weeks thinking that I was just ticking along happily whereas the reality was completely different. I don't think I was ever contemplating jacking it in, rather I needed to draw a line in the sand so to speak.


Michelle very correctly said to me, "Don't focus on the long term goal, look at it week by week" This approach will allow me to focus on what I need to do to achieve in that week and I will then be able to report on successes for that week.

This is what I need to this week, lets see how I do against that standard and then look to the next week, forgetting that simple lesson has got me to where I am now, the line is drawn, time to move on.

Sunday 17 January 2010

Measuring myself against my own standards

Looking back on the past couple of weeks but really focussing on this week I have completely failed to succeed against my own standards. This week has put into stark focus that I have been on complete auto pilot for the past 3 weeks at least and on this weeks performance I should just email Rich and withdraw my application.

How I expect to achieve anything when I have had a real can't be arsed attitude this week I just don't know, moaning about the weather, work, any excuse I coudl come up with to not do what I know I need to do to get what I want. This whole process is completely in my control and if I don't want to put the effort in then I only have myself to explain to when it all falls apart.

Some prime examples;

Putting on 2 pounds this week is just not good enough, when I was filling my fat head with bowls of peanuts and stuffing in chocloates did I really think that this was going to help me towards my goals!

This was then compunded by my total lack of getting in enough sessions of cardio exercise, I did a session Monday but then just made excuses to myself for the rest of the week, Saturday was just the last straw, I looked back on the day and couldn't justify to myself why I hadn't got on the treadmill or cross trainer, I just couldn't be bothered!

This post is a kick up my own arse, its not navel gazing, this is designed to make me wake up and get a grip!

Michelle knows how much effort I have been putting in over the past few months and is making sure I get cracking after this blip as she does not want to see me fail.

Friday 15 January 2010

Trying hard, but its very trying

This week is proving to be a real weird one from the perspective of maintaining some discipline, nutrition has just been out of the window. Tonight is a prime example where I have been grazing on salty snacks etc I have to say I'm not my usual self at the minute, a little bit fluey and it is screwing me up a bit. Not being able to train yesterday didn't help my state of mind. As I have said before I 'm really hoping next week can get me back into it.

Wednesday 13 January 2010

No posts, not good enough!

Just logged ona nd realised I haven't posted since Monday, not good. I have got back from London today after attending a course for 2 days, I had a fair bit of coursework to do but I still managed to get cracking on the write up of the breakdown and i also used the gym facilities twice so I did at least try and keep on top of things. Being in a hotel though for a couple of days has left me a little in limbo and again I am desperate to get a routine re-established as I am a creature of habit, sad but true.

The lure of Xmas chocs is too great again so I think I will need to get cracking on some more cardio as well as keeping on with the daily reps, all in all just ticking over really as I don't think I will end up losing any weigh this week.

Monday 11 January 2010

Day off, what day off!

Sitting here in my hotel room in a chilly central London and thinking I would much rather be at the school going through some basics! Odd day really, it was a day off but as I have an early start to my training course tomorrow I had to leave around 2pm from home to make sure I got to London with plenty of time.

I got to do some cardio, not a great amount but it was doing the mile and a half again, I was going to crack on with some weights as well but my chest was feeling a bit tight so I thought it best to get on with some theory instead, I think I will get up early and do 30 mins before breakfast tomorrow.

Still not feeling like I have a routine set yet which is starting to worry me a bit, I find it really difficult to maintain an enthusiasm when I can't establish a good routine, the trouble is I don't have a lot of time to get it established, this week is not helping but at least there is a gym here at the hotel so I can get on with some fitness.

I'm starting to feel a bit whingey so I need to pull my socks up and just get on with it.

Saturday 9 January 2010

Mmm

Well what a difference a couple of days can make, in my last post I was feeling like I was getting back into things, well the wheels have well and truly come off.

Thursday night due to the snow and the fact that most of the shops didn't have much in, I decided to get some chips for everyone, okay but not too much of a problem as I had been exercising every day, yesterday however it all went out the window. My wife went out to the cinema with friends and I ended up playing on the playstation and stuffing my face with salty snacks and chocolates left over from Xmas.

Thinking on it this morning partly I think it is because of the odd situation this week with the snow, the schools being off and the fact that, really normal routine has yet to be established, so it almost feels like an extension of the Xmas and New Year holidays. I was really disappointed with myself because time is short and I do need to knuckle down to the phys so that I don't have a problem when I come to the fitness test.

Overall I just am not in the right zone mentally and I hope that next week sees a return to normal service!

Wednesday 6 January 2010

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

A good day today, ended up working from home due to the bad weather so decided to take the kids out early for some sledging so that I coudld crack on with work for the rest of the day, got very cold but had a great time. 3 days into my re-invigorated training and I am already starting to feel it a bit, the biggest surprise has been how poor I am currently at simple things like press ups etc. About a month before Xmas I was averaging about 150 reps a day, at my peak I was doing probably 400-500 per day, now I am hanging when I do 100 in the morning and 100 at night, with only a few weeks until the fitness test these things have me worried.

I'm hoping that now I have re-started that I will quickly get back into the swing of things, I have set myself a fitness test at the end of the month so hope that 50+ on the reps will be attainable at that point. I have already shaved another 10 secs off the mile and a half so at a respectable 10mins 20 secs, the problem I have now is that the running machine I use at home won't go any higher so trying to get below 10 mins is looking dodgy. I am going to do an induction at the council sports centre next week, this will hopefully give me access to some professional machines so that I can shave some more time off as well as bringing some other variations into my weights routine.

I have managed to have a real stab at the theory side of things as training was cancelled last night due to the snow, I have had a first run through on my pattern brekadown and this has proved really interesting, I noticed as I was starting to type it up that I had to get up sometimes and try another technique out so hopefully this has started to kindle an interest in this part of my training (I think it has)

Schools will probably be closed again tomorrow so if no training I will probably knuckle down to some more theory stuff.

Tuesday 5 January 2010

Where is my head at?

As a bit of a continuation from my post this morning I wanted to get down a bit more about how I am feeling about where I am at at the moment on my journey towards blackbelt. With about 10 weeks to go there is still alot I think I need to focus on, the theory behind TaeKwon-Do is something that I am struggling with. I have been studying the meanings behind the patterns but find that unless I constantly revise the full meaning either gets mixed up or confused between the other patterns. Shirley told me she has been doing flash cards to help her in her revision so I think I will have to adopt that as well. The theory is giving me some stress though as I feel that bizarrely something that I have an interest in is actually proving to be the trickiest to get a grip of.

As this is the first week  back into it I am making sure that I get some of the things that I have a better handle on out of the way as it were so that I can then have a concentrated effort on the theory, hopefully I can then revisit things like the pattern breakdown before submission to make sure I have put the best effort in.

Bad weather has prevented training tonight so I have decided to do some pattern run throughs and to do some more work on my pattern breakdown.

Back to it

I wanted to post last night but technology let me down so as I am waiting for my work outlook account to sync up I thought I would do a bit of blogging.

Yesterday was the first day back at work and also the first day of training, work wasn't too bad, the meeting I was at did go on until 6pm which was a pain. Didn't get home until 7pm so I didn't have any time for dinner, however as I had about 30-45 mins to kill before training I decided to do some weights. I have also started doing my reps in the morning and evening, I am only doing 25 press ups, 25 crunches, 25 wide arm press ups and 25 leg raises and I couldn't believe how difficult it was, it was a real eye-opener and I will now make sure that daily reps are always done.

Training last noght was really good, it was just good to be back doing some basics and getting the body moving again, Masters was only myself and Demi and it ended up as a good chat with Rich around self defence. Sessions like that are rare but really useful as you get some insights into topics that you may have thought about and it is always a good sounding board to put ideas etc to Rich.

Ended up having a brief chat with Shirley as well last night, who is the other black belt candidate in the school, and we both realised that time is really moving fast now as we approach March. As long as I stick to what I want to do in my weekly plans I should be okay.

Outlook has nearly finished its sync so I had better sign off, will probably do a post tonight to carry on with some of my thoughts about this quarter and the upcoming black belt grading.

Saturday 2 January 2010

Bleurgh!

Where has the week gone? I last did a post on Tuesday and weirdly it feels a long time ago but at the same time time has gone so quickly, its Saturday already and normality beckons. I always think Christmas and New Year flies by and it does leave me a little sad, you get to have a break from your normal routine, do nothing but eat and catch up on telly that you wouldn't normally get the chance to watch. I'm looking back on 2009 as a year of pressure, work, family and in my MA training. Work effected my training schedule a lot, but what it also did for me was make me be creative in how I could ensure I was keeping on top of what i needed to achieve in MA.

Even though the holidays are so fleeting I am looking forward to getting the routine established, the time off has enabled me to sort stuff out in my head, allow a few ideas to grow and hopefully I will be able to get 2010 off to a real bang in terms of my personal, physical and spiritual development (by the way I am not a religious person per se so I use spiritual in the sense of the mind, body type thing, very much what Ilyokwan stands for)

With less than 3 months to go now until black belt testing, I have completed my thesis, am probably 75% there on the pattern breakdown so I am feeling okay, not brimming with confidence but okay with how I have done so far. I can always do more, but so can the majority of us, I need to be positive about what I can do myself and try not to get hung up on the stuff I cant control (easy to say, hellish to actually do, I am my own worst critic)

This year i definately need to help the kids out more, it is potentially an important year for Ele, she may be looking at black belt testing in Autumn and i need to make sure I give myself the time to work with her, encourage her and not let her get to obsessive about it. With any luck she will have been seeing what I have been up to and the fact that I have always spoken to her that the black belt is nothing more than a stage on her own journey within MA that she won't get too hung up on it. But then again she is only 10 so probably no joy there then!

My last couple of days will be spent finishing off the mince pies and taking stock of everything so that I can just get on with it come Monday morning, which from work is right back in the frying pan and from training will be a good session Monday night, I also need to squeeze a cardio in there as well which may have to change to a weights session as time will be a big factor.