An end to a week

In a way I'm really glad this week has finished but I am also not looking forward to next week either, each week I get closer to the grading the more I need to constantly re-focus and make myself do what i need to do. It's not so much worrying if I will pass or not, I think it is more that I want to get the whole thing over with. I don't have anything thats particularly worrying me, I am well along in all areas of my training, I have completed some of the more admin heavy things like the thesis its just an indefinable 'something'. It just goes to show that even when the black belt isn't the be all and end all human nature steps in makes it suddenly become something massively important and something potentially defining. Part of all this I think is the fact that even though I have changed job roles nothing has changed yet because there is a period of consultation and recruitment so I am in a bit of a limbo that isn't really helping my overall state of mind.

Some thoughts to ponder

This week has been a bit of a funny one really, as the date of the grading gets closer my enthusiasm for getting on and finishing off what I need to do is waning. Standing outside the chip shop last night in the snow I got to thinking on why this could be. By prevaricating and putting things off I think I am subconsciously trying to put off the looming date, by that I mean if I don't acknowledge the things I need to complete then the grading seems that little bit further away. I am starting to get pretty apprehensive about the whole thing and to top it off I just know that the whole new job role will kick off just when I will be needing to some calm in my life, why is nothing easy? Or at least not so stressful!?!

I have tried very hard this week to get a grip of my nutrition and to keep some physical activity to the forefront. I have managed a couple of cardio sessions this week but have been unable to do any weights due to a niggling injury to my shoulder, this has also affected the reps I usually do as I have avoided doing any press ups after tearing something on Thursday night during the press up drill in class. With only a few weeks now until the fitness test this is the bit that I have the most control over but silly little injuries like this can really set me back. All I need to do is just keep a positive outlook and focus on the little achievements I can make throughout the week.

Woke up this morning and felt a lot better, got into work and had a good day, very busy but flew by so I thought it was probably a good idea to do a a light to moderate session in the gym. Got a good sweat on and felt good afterwards, feeling a little knackered now but was good to get back into some physical training.

Tired and achey

Been to training tonight and yesterday and I hadn't realised that the stomach flu I had taken quite a bit of me. A couple of times during class yesterday I saw a few stars and I was aching all over, work isn't helping (again) as I have had to rush home and then go straight to class due to late finishes. Feeling really tired and achey, I just don't want to do anything but curl up on the sofa. Its times like this that I need to be wary about what I eat as comfort eating has a tendancy to sneak up on me when I am feeling rough.

What a week

Its been a bit of a rollercoaster this week after last weeks serious downer. I hit the beginning of the week head on and kept up a great momentum until Thursday when the stomach bug hit. Up until that point things were going great, I felt strong and positive, the only blip being a stressful time at work with uncertainty around a structure change and the taking on of a new role unsettling me heading towards the weekend.

Frustration has played a big part since Thursday as my head wanted to crack on push through what I thought was just a bit of a stomach ache but the bug that my youngest, Hannah, had ,seemed to have gone through the kids at school, as well as my family like a scythe. Friday morning left me feeling really week and listless, and I have still had a dodgy stomach all through the weekend.

Its times like this that I really get angry, not so much at myself but at the seeming injustice of it all. Just when I have got my head back in the game and when I am triving to make really positive changes, life throws in a few curveballs just to keep it interesting! For once I would just like slow and steady whereas most of my life seems to be about massive change on a regular basis!

This coming week will be a pivotal one I think as I need to reinvigorate yet again and build on the initially positive start to this week to keep building the momentum as I go into Feb.

Feeling better

I had an attack of the munchies around about 3pm yesterday so did have some food throughout the day, it settled like a lead weight but I kept it down and felt slightly better by yesterday evening. Had a slightly better night but still very uncomfortable. Had a small breakfast to get something inside me but still feeling queasy, I want to have something tasty but my stomach is probably not up to it just yet. Taking it fairly easy today and will hopefully be able to train tomorrow down at the gym as I want to keep the positivity up with these last few weeks to go.

I was sitting down today talking to my father in law and we got to chatting about my black belt and it occured to me that even though there is about 6-8 weeks until my grading the previous months had really flown by and before I know it the grading will be upon me. It was then that it I realised how many things I have going on in my life and how that contributes to the passing of the days.

Work has again thrown me a bit of a curveball again as I have been asked to take over the management of the entire development department, its a bit of a task as the state of things is very challenging at the moment and its coming at the same time as the balck belt testing period so it look slike multiple challenges all round! Life is never boring around this place, but I have to say I am feeling pretty tired, this stomach upset isnt helping my mood but I need to look on all the positives so far and to be honest looking back on the blog and the forum posts it has overall been a really positive experience, plenty of bumps but then thats life isnt it. Oh well a fun filled afternoon awaits choosing new school shoes for the girls, rock and roll eh!

Hitting a few speedbumps

I was really disappointed that I couldn't attend training last night, even though I was feeling terrible its just a real pain when this week was going so well. I had a rough night last night and so far haven't touched any food as my stomach is doing back flips! Feeling pretty weak at the minute, my youngest is feeling much brighter today and has some colour in her cheeks so I'm hoping that the same will happen for me.

I felt so wretched last night that I just crawled into bed so I didn't even have the chance to use the spare time for finishing off typing up my breakdown. I think I will endeavor to finish it off today do that its all sorted at last. With any luck I can continue to crack on with all the things I need to finish off, on the bright side I am bound to have lost a couple of pounds!

Spoke too soon

Typical, I get all fired up and start of with a real bang and then something happens to punch me in the gut. I have had a feeling of gighting off a cold all week but didn't pay it any heed, just got on with some phys sessions, back into training etc. Yesterday I had to travel to London for an awards dinner held at the guildhall, very nice do, black tie etc but I had a bit of a queasy feeling all day and so didn't really enjoy the dinner as I had no appetite and all I wanted to do was sleep. Today the sick feeling has got worse and my youngest daughter has been sick all day, my wife Michelle is also starting to feel sick so it looks like it might be a winter sickness bug or something, so feeling pretty low at the minute. I rang my instructor Rich to let him know I won't be training tonight and Hannah(my youngest) will have to stay at home tomorrow as the school don't want them back at least 24 hours after they feel better.

To top it all Michelle told me that Eleanor, my eldest had accidently spilled a large cup of water over my laptop! It's Kaput so thats £2000 plus of laptop down the drain, life sucks! With any luck I will be able to claim some of it back on our contents insurance. Just feeling pretty crap and not too happy as this will be another couple of days wasted that I can ill afford.

Moving on up

Yesterday was good fun, it was great to get back to training after such a long delay and with any luck I will actually be able to attend all sessions so thats a real bonus. As is usual with these things my body is looking like it wants to let me down. I have had the achy, headachy thing which usually means I am fighting off a cold so I am ramping up on all the good stuff to try and ward it off.

Sun is shining today which is nice and all I need to think about is what to concentrate on tonight in the open session.

Getting back on the horse

Had a couple of replies to my post last night that set off a response that I think is worthwhile putting in a post of its own. Even during this relatively low point on the journey I don't think I was looking to give up, that isn't really in my make up, things would have to be really bad for that to happen. The act of writing the blog was my way of holding myself to account and showing to my peers that everything isn't always sweetness and light, that no matter how prepared and positive things can be, setbacks and speed bumps appear and it is how we deal with them that shows what we are made of.

Here is part of a reply to Rich and John to the last post:

We all set standards for ourselves and I think I have just been coasting for the past 3 weeks thinking that I was just ticking along happily whereas the reality was completely different. I don't think I was ever contemplating jacking it in, rather I needed to draw a line in the sand so to speak.


Michelle very correctly said to me, "Don't focus on the long term goal, look at it week by week" This approach will allow me to focus on what I need to do to achieve in that week and I will then be able to report on successes for that week.

This is what I need to this week, lets see how I do against that standard and then look to the next week, forgetting that simple lesson has got me to where I am now, the line is drawn, time to move on.

Measuring myself against my own standards

Looking back on the past couple of weeks but really focussing on this week I have completely failed to succeed against my own standards. This week has put into stark focus that I have been on complete auto pilot for the past 3 weeks at least and on this weeks performance I should just email Rich and withdraw my application.

How I expect to achieve anything when I have had a real can't be arsed attitude this week I just don't know, moaning about the weather, work, any excuse I coudl come up with to not do what I know I need to do to get what I want. This whole process is completely in my control and if I don't want to put the effort in then I only have myself to explain to when it all falls apart.

Some prime examples;

Putting on 2 pounds this week is just not good enough, when I was filling my fat head with bowls of peanuts and stuffing in chocloates did I really think that this was going to help me towards my goals!

This was then compunded by my total lack of getting in enough sessions of cardio exercise, I did a session Monday but then just made excuses to myself for the rest of the week, Saturday was just the last straw, I looked back on the day and couldn't justify to myself why I hadn't got on the treadmill or cross trainer, I just couldn't be bothered!

This post is a kick up my own arse, its not navel gazing, this is designed to make me wake up and get a grip!

Michelle knows how much effort I have been putting in over the past few months and is making sure I get cracking after this blip as she does not want to see me fail.

Trying hard, but its very trying

This week is proving to be a real weird one from the perspective of maintaining some discipline, nutrition has just been out of the window. Tonight is a prime example where I have been grazing on salty snacks etc I have to say I'm not my usual self at the minute, a little bit fluey and it is screwing me up a bit. Not being able to train yesterday didn't help my state of mind. As I have said before I 'm really hoping next week can get me back into it.

No posts, not good enough!

Just logged ona nd realised I haven't posted since Monday, not good. I have got back from London today after attending a course for 2 days, I had a fair bit of coursework to do but I still managed to get cracking on the write up of the breakdown and i also used the gym facilities twice so I did at least try and keep on top of things. Being in a hotel though for a couple of days has left me a little in limbo and again I am desperate to get a routine re-established as I am a creature of habit, sad but true.

The lure of Xmas chocs is too great again so I think I will need to get cracking on some more cardio as well as keeping on with the daily reps, all in all just ticking over really as I don't think I will end up losing any weigh this week.

Day off, what day off!

Sitting here in my hotel room in a chilly central London and thinking I would much rather be at the school going through some basics! Odd day really, it was a day off but as I have an early start to my training course tomorrow I had to leave around 2pm from home to make sure I got to London with plenty of time.

I got to do some cardio, not a great amount but it was doing the mile and a half again, I was going to crack on with some weights as well but my chest was feeling a bit tight so I thought it best to get on with some theory instead, I think I will get up early and do 30 mins before breakfast tomorrow.

Still not feeling like I have a routine set yet which is starting to worry me a bit, I find it really difficult to maintain an enthusiasm when I can't establish a good routine, the trouble is I don't have a lot of time to get it established, this week is not helping but at least there is a gym here at the hotel so I can get on with some fitness.

I'm starting to feel a bit whingey so I need to pull my socks up and just get on with it.

Mmm

Well what a difference a couple of days can make, in my last post I was feeling like I was getting back into things, well the wheels have well and truly come off.

Thursday night due to the snow and the fact that most of the shops didn't have much in, I decided to get some chips for everyone, okay but not too much of a problem as I had been exercising every day, yesterday however it all went out the window. My wife went out to the cinema with friends and I ended up playing on the playstation and stuffing my face with salty snacks and chocolates left over from Xmas.

Thinking on it this morning partly I think it is because of the odd situation this week with the snow, the schools being off and the fact that, really normal routine has yet to be established, so it almost feels like an extension of the Xmas and New Year holidays. I was really disappointed with myself because time is short and I do need to knuckle down to the phys so that I don't have a problem when I come to the fitness test.

Overall I just am not in the right zone mentally and I hope that next week sees a return to normal service!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

A good day today, ended up working from home due to the bad weather so decided to take the kids out early for some sledging so that I coudld crack on with work for the rest of the day, got very cold but had a great time. 3 days into my re-invigorated training and I am already starting to feel it a bit, the biggest surprise has been how poor I am currently at simple things like press ups etc. About a month before Xmas I was averaging about 150 reps a day, at my peak I was doing probably 400-500 per day, now I am hanging when I do 100 in the morning and 100 at night, with only a few weeks until the fitness test these things have me worried.

I'm hoping that now I have re-started that I will quickly get back into the swing of things, I have set myself a fitness test at the end of the month so hope that 50+ on the reps will be attainable at that point. I have already shaved another 10 secs off the mile and a half so at a respectable 10mins 20 secs, the problem I have now is that the running machine I use at home won't go any higher so trying to get below 10 mins is looking dodgy. I am going to do an induction at the council sports centre next week, this will hopefully give me access to some professional machines so that I can shave some more time off as well as bringing some other variations into my weights routine.

I have managed to have a real stab at the theory side of things as training was cancelled last night due to the snow, I have had a first run through on my pattern brekadown and this has proved really interesting, I noticed as I was starting to type it up that I had to get up sometimes and try another technique out so hopefully this has started to kindle an interest in this part of my training (I think it has)

Schools will probably be closed again tomorrow so if no training I will probably knuckle down to some more theory stuff.

Where is my head at?

As a bit of a continuation from my post this morning I wanted to get down a bit more about how I am feeling about where I am at at the moment on my journey towards blackbelt. With about 10 weeks to go there is still alot I think I need to focus on, the theory behind TaeKwon-Do is something that I am struggling with. I have been studying the meanings behind the patterns but find that unless I constantly revise the full meaning either gets mixed up or confused between the other patterns. Shirley told me she has been doing flash cards to help her in her revision so I think I will have to adopt that as well. The theory is giving me some stress though as I feel that bizarrely something that I have an interest in is actually proving to be the trickiest to get a grip of.

As this is the first week  back into it I am making sure that I get some of the things that I have a better handle on out of the way as it were so that I can then have a concentrated effort on the theory, hopefully I can then revisit things like the pattern breakdown before submission to make sure I have put the best effort in.

Bad weather has prevented training tonight so I have decided to do some pattern run throughs and to do some more work on my pattern breakdown.

Back to it

I wanted to post last night but technology let me down so as I am waiting for my work outlook account to sync up I thought I would do a bit of blogging.

Yesterday was the first day back at work and also the first day of training, work wasn't too bad, the meeting I was at did go on until 6pm which was a pain. Didn't get home until 7pm so I didn't have any time for dinner, however as I had about 30-45 mins to kill before training I decided to do some weights. I have also started doing my reps in the morning and evening, I am only doing 25 press ups, 25 crunches, 25 wide arm press ups and 25 leg raises and I couldn't believe how difficult it was, it was a real eye-opener and I will now make sure that daily reps are always done.

Training last noght was really good, it was just good to be back doing some basics and getting the body moving again, Masters was only myself and Demi and it ended up as a good chat with Rich around self defence. Sessions like that are rare but really useful as you get some insights into topics that you may have thought about and it is always a good sounding board to put ideas etc to Rich.

Ended up having a brief chat with Shirley as well last night, who is the other black belt candidate in the school, and we both realised that time is really moving fast now as we approach March. As long as I stick to what I want to do in my weekly plans I should be okay.

Outlook has nearly finished its sync so I had better sign off, will probably do a post tonight to carry on with some of my thoughts about this quarter and the upcoming black belt grading.

Bleurgh!

Where has the week gone? I last did a post on Tuesday and weirdly it feels a long time ago but at the same time time has gone so quickly, its Saturday already and normality beckons. I always think Christmas and New Year flies by and it does leave me a little sad, you get to have a break from your normal routine, do nothing but eat and catch up on telly that you wouldn't normally get the chance to watch. I'm looking back on 2009 as a year of pressure, work, family and in my MA training. Work effected my training schedule a lot, but what it also did for me was make me be creative in how I could ensure I was keeping on top of what i needed to achieve in MA.

Even though the holidays are so fleeting I am looking forward to getting the routine established, the time off has enabled me to sort stuff out in my head, allow a few ideas to grow and hopefully I will be able to get 2010 off to a real bang in terms of my personal, physical and spiritual development (by the way I am not a religious person per se so I use spiritual in the sense of the mind, body type thing, very much what Ilyokwan stands for)

With less than 3 months to go now until black belt testing, I have completed my thesis, am probably 75% there on the pattern breakdown so I am feeling okay, not brimming with confidence but okay with how I have done so far. I can always do more, but so can the majority of us, I need to be positive about what I can do myself and try not to get hung up on the stuff I cant control (easy to say, hellish to actually do, I am my own worst critic)

This year i definately need to help the kids out more, it is potentially an important year for Ele, she may be looking at black belt testing in Autumn and i need to make sure I give myself the time to work with her, encourage her and not let her get to obsessive about it. With any luck she will have been seeing what I have been up to and the fact that I have always spoken to her that the black belt is nothing more than a stage on her own journey within MA that she won't get too hung up on it. But then again she is only 10 so probably no joy there then!

My last couple of days will be spent finishing off the mince pies and taking stock of everything so that I can just get on with it come Monday morning, which from work is right back in the frying pan and from training will be a good session Monday night, I also need to squeeze a cardio in there as well which may have to change to a weights session as time will be a big factor.