Okay, the past week or so has been pretty difficult for me due to the stomach problems I have experienced but I seem to be much better and I did go back to classes last night. It was during the lesson that my instructor pointed out that I had not blogged for a few days, when I pointed out that I didn't think people would want to read about my stomach problems he actually said that I must remember why I started this blog and that actually when I experience setbacks and problems like this that it is important to still blog and put down how I am feeling and coping because that is at the heart of why I wanted to do a blog as part of my black belt goals. This is a completely valid point and something that I lost as I was focussing on the negative aspects of being ill witout realising it was this negativity that I should have been blogging about.
Having this time to reflect over the last couple of weeks has made me think about the journey so far, I am nearly half way through and next March is starting to loom large in my thoughts. I asked my self a question the other day "Have I done everything I could so far in my training?" The honest answer has to be no. I could of course train every other night, do theory work use all of my spare time focussing on my MA training. I then clarified the question to "Have I done everything I could so far in my training within my limits of work and personal responsibilities" again truthfully the answer has to be no. I am a 'normal' person and some times after a particualry stressful day I just want to switch my brain off completely and veg out on the sofa, if I ignored this and stated 'of course I do everything possible' I wouldnt be truthful to myself or the process of testing for black belt. I think looking back on the last few months I have done an awful lot to support my journey and I have had a good number of successes so far, of ocurse there is more I can do, and part of the journey is the constant need to push yourself that little bit more each time, to constanlty evaluate and critique what you are doing, but never forgetting to celebrate the small successes along the way. I think the better question that I will ask myself as I approach the end of this part of the journey is 'Am I happy with my progress so far and do I know where I need to focus goign forward?' The answer to that question is a resounding YES, I have personally seen myself improve in a number of areas already, my personal fitness is approaching the best it has been in probably 10 years, I am starting to feel confident in my patterns and basics, I am starting to feel comfortable talking to other students about techniques and assisiting more junior students in their training and the other aspects of my MA training are seeming to slot into place. This is of course in the context of where my knowledge of MA is currently at, that of a fairly experienced beginner.
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The comments Master Olpin made about blogging apply to me to. I started a blog about my MSc and tend to write in it only when I have a 'success' which of course is just plain lying about my true progress (or lack thereof). I really have to try to write something every day - not only to have a record of the failures as well as the successes but it will also help keep the momentum going.
ReplyDeleteNot having the opportunity to watch you at home, the only basis I have for commenting on your progress is what I see in class. From what I see in class I have no doubt that you are improving at a much greater pace than I am and possibly many others, too. Of course, you have set a higher standard than that for yourself which is commendable but as you've rightly said, you should be happy with your progress so far; not to say that you have reached your goal but that you have not quit.
Yesterday I collapsed into bed at 8.30 pm from working too much. There is such a thing as setting your benchmarks too high ...
We are our own worst enemy and our harshest critic. I sometimes think I do set my standards too high but aiming for the stars and hitting the moon is still a commendable way to approach things and to recognise success. It's just who I am and sometimes I recognise it and do something about it, others I just get myself in a tailspin, get annoyed with myself and get grumpy!
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